Obedience, Prayer, Sanctification, Sin

When God Answers the “Wrong” Prayer

Michelle Lesley

Originally published July 27, 2018

“Lord, I’m just so frustrated!” I fussed, as I approached the time I had set aside for prayer this morning. Once again, the “I don’t want to” of my flesh was pulling against the “I know I need to” of my spirit like a heavy duty tow truck tugging on a kitten.

So I just ditched it. Well…sort of.

Prayer is pouring out your heart to God, right? Well, I turned on the water cannon. Reverently, of course…but with passion.

I told God how sick I was of this all-too-frequent stumbling block my flesh presented when it was time to pray, especially when I knew from experience that the feeling was fleeting and would go away after I had been praying for a few minutes. I told Him I was tired of a million other things I’d rather be doing, that I needed to do, coming to mind and further crowding out my desire to pray. I told Him I was sorry for all the times I had given in to the flesh and skipped my prayer time. I told Him I wanted Him to make this feeling go away and never come back.

As I poured out my complaint before Him, the Holy Spirit began leading me to examine the why of this whole situation. What was bringing about this pull of the flesh against prayer?

And that’s when it happened. God answered the “wrong¹” prayer.

And that’s when it happened. God answered the “wrong” prayer.

You see, one of the things I pray every day is that God will reveal to me any sins I’m unaware I’m committing and lead me to repent of and forsake them.

And in that moment, that’s the prayer He chose to answer.

Not the prayer for the provision of an item my family needs. Not the prayer for healing of a loved one. Not the prayer that He would save all the lost people on my list.

Not the prayer I really wanted Him to answer.

God chose to reveal my sin to me.

You know why my flesh so often balks at prayer? Because in the dark, unsanctified recesses of my heart, I’m frustrated with God for not doing what I ask Him to do – now. I come to Him day after day, month after month, sometimes year after year, confessing the same sins, asking for the same provisions, and presenting the same requests, and I don’t see Him doing what I want Him to do when I want Him to do it.

Never mind that I could list hundreds of my prayers that He actually has answered, many of them in amazing ways. Never mind that I know what the Bible says about prayer well enough to teach on it and write articles about it. Never mind that I really do believe that God will answer my prayers for His glory and my good.

Uh uh. My flesh throws all of that right out the window and wants God to be my cosmic errand boy, delivering the goods on my timetable. I am selfish. I want everything to go my way immediately.

My flesh wants God to be my cosmic errand boy, delivering the goods on my timetable. I am selfish. I want everything to go my way immediately.

So that was pretty humiliating…but God didn’t stop there. No, there was more.

He opened my eyes to the fact that this sin problem I have relating to Him vertically is basically the same sin problem I have relating to people horizontally.

I yell at people in traffic to get out of my way. I get annoyed with my husband, irritated with my children, and impatient with fellow church members because I want them to do what I want, and I want them to do it now. I am selfish. I want everything to go my way immediately.

Oh, wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 

Paul was really onto something there. Fortunately, he answers his own question in his very next sentence:

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Romans 7:25a

Jesus. Jesus can help me to mortify this sin. And I can obey Him as He does His good work in me. How?

Jesus. Jesus can help me to mortify this sin. And I can obey Him as He does His good work in me. How?

assuming that you have heard about [Jesus] and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:21-24

I stop doing the sin (put off the old self). I remember what God’s Word says about that sin and about the righteousness I’m supposed to do instead (be renewed in mind). I do the righteous thing instead of the sin (put on the new self).

Ephesians 4 goes on to give some examples of what this looks like when dealing with real life sin:

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:25-32

See how that works?

Stop lying. Remember what God’s Word says about lying and truth. Speak truth instead of lying.

Stop stealing. Remember what God’s Word says about stealing and the godly way to acquire and steward material things. Work an honest job and share with others instead of stealing.

Seems pretty simple and logical, right? It’s pretty clear cut when we’re talking about sinful actions. I can keep my mouth shut so lies and corrupting talk don’t come out and choose kind and truthful words to speak instead. I can keep my hands in my pockets or avoid that tempting store so I won’t steal, and get a job and share with others instead. But how in the world do I “put off” a sinful attitude like bitterness, wrath, anger and malice (and in my case, selfishness) when it’s just a feeling that pops up in my heart unbidden?

How in the world do I “put off” a sinful attitude like bitterness, wrath, anger and malice (and in my case, selfishness) when it’s just a feeling that pops up in my heart unbidden?

The world will tell you that you can’t control your feelings. And for the world, that’s true. It’s part of the sin nature of a lost person, the “old self”, to live your life by your feelings, even to be controlled by them. But that’s not the case for someone who has been genuinely born again and is indwelt by the Holy Spirit.

Part of the Fruit of the Spirit (the evidence that the Spirit is indwelling you) is self-control. That doesn’t just mean saying no to that second piece of cake. It’s the idea that sin is not our master anymore. We do not have to listen to and be controlled by sin, we can say no to it because we want to say yes to our new Master – Christ – and be controlled by Him.

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 6:12-14

Notice the wording here. It’s not “do your best” or “try” not to let your old master control you. It’s an authoritative, weighty, no-nonsense command: “Let not sin reign…sin will have no dominion”. God would not command us to do something that we’re incapable of doing, or that the Holy Spirit will not empower us to do. We can control and put off sinful thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

Martin Luther once helpfully said:

“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.”

I think about that quote often when it comes to putting off ungodly thoughts that pop into my brain. Here’s how it works:

First, preemptively pray the “wrong” prayer – the one your flesh won’t want God to answer – that He will make you aware of and convict you of sinful thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

Pray the “wrong” prayer – the one your flesh won’t want God to answer – that He will make you aware of and convict you of sinful thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

Next, when one of those thoughts rears its ugly head, stop what you’re doing, repent, and kick that rotten vulture right out of your hair. Make a definitive, proactive, Holy Spirit empowered decision of the will that you are not going to think that way. It helps me to say it out loud: “No. That thought is wrong. The Bible says ____ about that. I am not going to think that.” You might get some weird looks if you’re in public, but, hey, mortifying sin is worth it, right?

I tend to combine the “put off” (stop it) and “renew your mind” (What does the Bible say?) steps because pulling the Sword out of its sheath is a good way to kill sin. It’s the way Jesus modeled for us.

How can I “put on” a right thought, feeling, or attitude? I mean, you can’t just conjure up godly feelings, can you?

But how can I “put on” a right thought, feeling, or attitude? I mean, you can’t just conjure up godly feelings, can you? No. But what you can do is gather up nest-building materials for that “sweet Heavenly dove²”, the Holy Spirit, so He can shape your thoughts, feelings, and attitudes in a godly way:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:8-9

There are godly things we can think about and godly things we can do (“practice”) that cooperate with the work the Holy Spirit is doing in our hearts.

Instead of thinking about that prayer that God isn’t answering right now, I can think about the prayers He has answered. And I can do something too. I can thank Him for those answered prayers and all of His good attributes in answering prayer.

Instead of thinking about how and when I want God to do things, I can think about His sovereignty and how good that is for me and everyone else. I can also do something: I can recite Bible verses I’ve memorized about the situation and sing songs of praise to Him.

Instead of thinking about how someone else is frustrating me by not doing what I want her to do, I can think about how she is made in the image of God, valuable to Him, and precious in His sight. What can I do? I can stop and pray for her. I can speak a word of encouragement to her. I can bless her with a gift or by serving her.

Thinking and practicing ungodly things feeds and grows your ungodly thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. But thinking and practicing godly things feeds and develops your godly thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

Thinking and practicing ungodly things feeds and grows your ungodly thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. But thinking and practicing godly things feeds and develops your godly thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

Back in the Stone Age when dinosaurs roamed the earth and computers were brand new, programmers used to have a saying: “Garbage in, garbage out.” In other words, if you fed faulty commands into the computer, the performance you got out of the computer was going to be faulty, too.

The Christian heart is very much the same. “Godly in, godly out.” If you feed godliness into your heart, godliness will start coming out in your thoughts, words, and actions.

We don’t have to be mastered by sinful thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. Through the power of the Holy Spirit and by putting off the old self, renewing our minds through God’s Word, and putting on the new self by thinking and practicing godly things, we can grow more and more obedient to our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ, in our thoughts, words, and actions.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to try to remember that the next time God answers the “wrong” prayer.

¹Please note that the word “wrong” as it refers to God answering prayer refers to my having the wrong attitude or perspective. God is perfect and has never, and will never, do anything wrong.
²From the hymn Sweet, Sweet Spirit by Doris Akers
Church

All Word and No Play: The Importance of Fun and Fellowship in the Doctrinally Sound Church

Michelle Lesley

Originally published November 10, 2017

The mingled aromas of cakes and cookies, chips and dips and pasta salads, wafted from the kitchen into the living room and wove its way through the the quiet din of treble voices and joyful laughter sharing stories and recipes and tales of the work week.

Sunday School ladies were in the house.

I had invited them over for a time of fellowship and a brief discussion to gauge their interest in a women’s Bible study class I’d been hoping to start. Would any of them want to attend a weekly women’s Bible study? Which day of the week would be best? Morning or evening? Which book of the Bible or biblical topic would they like to study? My questions were met with a few polite and perfunctory answers until one of the ladies bravely ventured, “You know, we have good, solid preaching at our church, and we get great Bible study every week in our Sunday School class, but we never get to just sit around and visit and get to know each other better like we’re doing tonight. I think we need that more than another Bible study class.”

If I still had a hoop and could remember how to make a French knot, I’d embroider that on a pillow. Or maybe a pew cushion. She was right.

In recent years we’ve been privy to numerous churches who seem to be on mission to transform themselves into Six Flags Over Jesus. Pastors who deliver stand up comedy routines instead of preaching the Word. Helicopters dropping Easter eggs for the annual hunt. Disney-designed fire truck baptistries, video games, and bubble machines in the children’s department. Car, sports tickets, and vacation pacakge giveaways. Over the top Christmas variety shows. The evangeltainment force is strong on the high places.

But while churches need to be careful not to fall into the ditch of foolish fluff and worldliness, neither should doctrinally sound churches jump into the ditch on the other side of the road of turning every single church get together into a Bible study, worship service, or outreach project.

While churches need to be careful not to fall into the ditch of foolish fluff and worldliness, neither should doctrinally sound churches jump into the ditch of turning *every single* church get together into a Bible study.

Some of you ladies are gasping in holy horror. (Don’t try to deny it. I can hear you.)

Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. Please. I am by no stretch of the imagination suggesting that churches should turn into amusement parks like the ones cited above. I’m not saying we shouldn’t hold copious numbers of worship services and Bible studies and outreach projects. We absolutely should. Preaching, teaching, discipleship, and evangelism should be the main focus of the church.

What I’m saying is that – in the hustle and bustle of studying and serving – we need to make sure we’re also leaving space for brothers and sisters in Christ to simply spend unprogrammed time together. Growing to know one another more intimately. Sharing our little everyday joys and sorrows. Laughing together. Deeply loving one another. Blowing off steam and having a little fun.

Those things don’t happen while we’re listening to a sermon, paying attention to a Sunday School lesson, or busily working on an outreach task. But they’re a vital part of growing in Christ together. As a family.

One of the many reasons local church membership isn’t optional for Christians is that it places us in the required environment for practicing the “one anothers” found throughout the New Testament. But how can we “through love serve one another” if we don’t know a sister well enough to know how best to serve her? How can we “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” if we never take the time to sit down with each other and find out what those burdens are?

How can we “through love serve one another” or “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” if we never take the time to sit down with each other and find out how we can best serve, or what those burdens are?

If your church has solid biblical preaching, doctrinally sound Sunday School or Bible study classes, members who joyfully serve the Body when opportunities are presented, and who share the gospel with the lost, it’s OK to have the occasional event that doesn’t revolve around those activities, and instead provides the opportunity for simple fellowship between brothers and sisters in Christ. A church picnic. A men’s breakfast. A ladies’ night out. A potluck dinner on the grounds. A coffee klatch. A Christmas party.

If your church has solid biblical preaching and teaching, members who joyfully serve the Body, and who share the gospel with the lost, it’s OK to have the occasional event that doesn’t revolve around those things.

And it’s not necessary to turn any of these events into a Bible study.

Why? Because when Christians get together, the talk invariably and organically turns to things of a spiritual nature.

I gave a lot of thought to what the lady from my Sunday School class said at our fellowship that evening. And instead of planning a weekly Bible study, I started planning the occasional ladies’ night out – a simple dessert fellowship at my house, or dinner at a restaurant. Every time we get together, we inevitably end up talking about spiritual matters. Once, we spontaneously gathered around and prayed for a sister who had shared some things she was struggling with. Another time, we brought up some Scriptures to encourage one of the ladies who was walking through a particular issue with her child. We’ve discussed and recommended good godly books (and warned against some poor ones) to each other. We’ve laughed a lot, and sometimes cried, but mostly, grown…together.

People talk about what they’re most passionate about. And Christians are most passionate about the things of God. We need to be sure we’re trusting and believing that, not fearing that if we don’t have a devotion at our dinner, or have our coffee in one hand while doing a missions project with the other, that church members will suddenly abandon Christ and start dancing around the Asherah pole. And we need to know God well enough to know that He is not somehow displeased when His people simply interact with each other over whatever comes to mind without a biblical outline and three commentaries on the table.

We need to know God well enough to know that He is not somehow displeased when His people simply interact with each other over whatever comes to mind without a biblical outline and three commentaries on the table.

Also unbiblical and, thus, spiritually unhealthy, is the mindset that if we’re not meeting for organized preaching, teaching, or ministering, we have no reason for meeting at all. Not true. When I hear from women who attend doctrinally sound churches with that attitude, what I most commonly hear from them is that they’re lonely. They have no one they can call, or talk to, or pray with when they have a problem to sort out or joyful news to share because they don’t feel close enough to anybody in their church. That’s a crying shame. No healthy Christian in a doctrinally sound church should regularly feel isolated and lonely.

No healthy Christian in a doctrinally sound church should regularly feel isolated and lonely.

Good preaching, teaching, and outreach are imperative for every church. But so are the heart to heart relationships between Believers in the Body. So do the studying, listen to the preaching, and work your fingers to the bone serving, but don’t leave out fun and fellowship. All Word and no play makes for an unbalanced, unhealthy church.

Good preaching, teaching, and outreach are imperative for every church. But so are the heart to heart relationships between Believers in the Body.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: How can we get women to WANT to come to Bible study?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 19, 2018

My church is blessed to have two strong ladies’ Bible study leaders – one during the week for those who are available and one on Saturday for those who cannot attend during the week – who have the discernment to choose biblical content, study, and lead scripturally sound discussion. My prayer is that more women in my church would have the desire to attend these Bible studies, not only learning and growing spiritually but also for fellowship with each other and drawing closer to each other. If you have any ideas for actually getting women to want to study God’s word with other women I would love to hear them.

Been there, done that. I once taught a women’s Bible study class that consistently had only one to two women in it. I think our maximum attendance was one day when we had a whopping…four. The other women of the church chose to attend the “fluffier” classes that were being offered, and many just didn’t attend at all.

There could be any number of spiritual and practical reasons women aren’t attending your (or another reader’s) Bible studies.

☞ People are extraordinarily busy these days, especially women. Jam-packed schedules are probably the main reason for your low attendance. I’ll be honest, if I worked a full time job outside the home as well as taking care of my home and family, I’d be very unlikely to attend any Bible study class besides Sunday School. I’d want to devote that time to my family or to rest.

☞ Perhaps there are more false converts in your church than you’re aware of. People who aren’t saved are not new creatures in Christ and are devoid of the Holy Spirit, so they have no organic desire to spend time in God’s Word or with God’s people beyond the minimal amount required to fulfill whatever fleshly agenda brings them to church in the first place. There’s no human way to give them the desire to attend Bible study. Only God can accomplish that by saving them.

☞ If you go to a doctrinally sound church, your ladies may feel like they get plenty of good Bible study already and what they really want is unstructured fellowship time. See my article All Word and No Play: The Importance of Fun and Fellowship in the Doctrinally Sound Church.

☞ There may be something about the teaching style or the materials, that – even though they’re doctrinally sound – are rubbing people the wrong way. Maybe the teacher lectures and your ladies want more discussion. Maybe she talks over their heads in a very academic style. Maybe the materials are too expensive or there’s something about the book that is off-putting. Maybe your church only does “canned” (workbook, DVD, etc.) studies and what your ladies really want is to study books of the Bible, or vice versa.

☞ Hopefully this isn’t the case, but if there are factions in your church, someone could be surreptitiously – out of jealousy, sowing discord, or other reasons – discouraging the women from attending.

☞ The logistics of the class might be inconvenient for some. Do you offer child care for those who need it? Is the class held on a convenient day of the week and time of day? Is your church and the room you’re using for the class accessible to women with disabilities? 

These are just a few things that came to mind. Some of them may have to do with the class or the teacher. Others have more to do with the women themselves. What can you do to encourage more women to attend?

✔ Pray – and be ready to be in it for the long haul – that God will change hearts and give the women of your church a greater desire for His Word. In the end, God is the only One who knows all of the reasons women aren’t attending Bible study, and He is the only One with the power to transform them and overcome those reasons. Pray fervently and trust Him.

✔ If you’re truly stumped as to why women aren’t attending Bible study, ask them. You could do so face to face, individually, or, with your pastor’s permission, send out an anonymous survey (you’ll probably get a better response this way) asking things like, “Is the lecture style teaching we offer a fit for you?” or “Would you be able to attend if we offered child care?”, and also leave space to write in comments. (Naturally, you would not be asking things like whether or not you should water down the theology of the class, but if you can remove a practical barrier to attendance, why wouldn’t you?)

✔ Ask your pastor for advice. He knows the heartbeat of your congregation and will probably have some valuable counsel and suggestions.

✔ Be willing to try something different in the class. If you’ve only ever done workbook studies, do a study of a book of the Bible. Maybe a Saturday class isn’t convenient for a lot of people but a Sunday class would be. “I Shall Not be Moved” is for the theology of the class, not the logistics of it.

✔ Be willing to try something different than the class. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and there’s more than one way to do discipleship. Bible studies are awesome, but how about taking a semester off and doing some one on one Titus 2 discipleship instead? Or some unstructured “let’s just sit and chat” fellowships or ladies’ night outs? Or a prayer group? Or some outreach projects? If your ladies are already getting good preaching in the worship service and good teaching in Sunday School, it’s OK to try a discipleship method other than a Bible study class.

✔ Are you doing enough publicity well in advance of the class? You should start a minimum of 3-4 weeks before the class begins, and you should blitz with a variety of media: verbal announcements in multiple worship services, announce it in the church bulletin, newsletter, web site, and social media pages, have Sunday School classes announce it, send out a church-wide e-mail, put up fliers around the church, and encourage the ladies who are already attending the classes to personally, individually invite other women.

✔ If your pastor is OK with it, consider having one of the women who has been a faithful member of the class give a testimony (during the worship service, in the church newsletter, or wherever appropriate) about how the class has helped and blessed her, the relationships she has built through the class, etc.

In the end, the old saying is true: “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” You may bend over backwards and pray your kneecaps off and you may still have a small attendance. That’s OK. That’s on God. All you are responsible for is to pray, trust and obey Him, and be faithful to Him where He has planted you. God doesn’t measure your success by how many women attend your event, but by your faithfulness to Him.

God doesn’t measure your success by how many women attend your event, but by your faithfulness to Him.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Can women serve on the pastor search committee?

Michelle Lesley

Our church is currently searching for a new pastor. We have an advisory board (pastor search committee), appointed and led by our head deacon, which is comprised of six men and six women (individuals, not married couples) who have been instructed from Scripture about how to search for a pastor.

I don’t agree with women being involved because Paul speaks about women in the Bible (1 Timothy 2:11-15, 1 Corinthians 14:34, and Ephesians 5:23-27). Knowing that women can’t preach, why would there be women involved on this board! Also, the women on this board are not very active in our church.

I don’t feel like we can approach this as we would be basically run off from this church, since we’ve seen it done to one of our friends who went and spoke to our previous pastor about plagiarism. How do you think I should approach this situation?

I’m so sorry this situation is causing you angst, and I hope I can help alleviate some of it. There’s a lot going on here, so let’s take this step by step.

I’m familiar with pastor search committees. I’ve never personally served on one, but I know how they generally operate. The pastor search committee locates potential candidates for the position of pastor, sifts through all of them, finds the best candidate (or possibly two or three), and presents the candidate to the church to be voted on. You didn’t say how your church’s advisory board functions, so I’m just going to assume that this is the general way they operate.

May I take this opportunity to say I’m really glad the board at your church has been instructed from Scripture about finding a pastor and what makes a pastor biblically qualified or not. A previous church I was a member of had a pastor search committee that brought in some sort of consulting firm to train them that I surmise was light on (or possibly void of) Scripture, and heavy on more extra-biblical metrics like requiring a particular degree or level of formal education, charisma, pragmatic church growth methods, fundraising, etc. So the fact that your advisory board was trained with Scripture is something to be thankful for.

I don’t agree with women being involved because Paul speaks about women in the Bible (1 Timothy 2:11-15, 1 Corinthians 14:34, and Ephesians 5:23-27).

Yes, God, through Paul, does speak about women in the Bible, but does what He says in these passages apply to this particular situation of women serving on church boards and committees?

Ephesians 5:23-27 is about wives submitting to their own husbands and husband loving their wives as Christ loved the church. It is not applicable to women serving on church boards/committees unless one of these women has a husband who has told her he does not want her to serve on this committee and she has defied him and is serving anyway.

First Corinthians 14:34 is about keeping order in the worship service, not about women who have been asked by church leadership to serve on a board/committee (which is not a worship service) to offer their input and help search for a pastor. So this passage doesn’t apply, either.

First Timothy 2:11-15 is about as close as you’re going to come to a passage that’s applicable to this situation. Women are not to “exercise authority over a man”. (The “teaching” part doesn’t apply because the women on the board/committee aren’t teaching or preaching to the men, they’re working with them discussing candidates, reviewing resumes, etc.).

Now these women are not exercising authority over men merely by being appointed to this advisory board. If a woman were the head of the committee, or if there were more women than men on the committee, then you’d have an authority issue.

But the way things stand, the only ways I can think of that these women might attempt to exercise authority over the men on the board is by a) being bossy, telling the men what to do or not to do, insisting on their own way, etc., or b) forming a voting bloc to thwart a decision the men are all in favor of. (You did not mention whether the head deacon is included in the “six men” or whether he is the seventh man on the committee. If he’s the seventh man, and a voting member of the board, the women won’t be able to form a voting bloc.)

Furthermore, these women are not exercising authority over the men of the congregation merely because they’ve been asked to help find the next pastor. They are church members representing the congregation, sorting through pastoral candidates, and offering input.

Knowing that women can’t preach, why would there be women involved on this board!

Because they’re members of your church, representing your congregation, sorting through pastoral candidates, and offering input. There are men in your congregation who aren’t biblically qualified to preach, either, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t serve on this board. Being qualified to preach has nothing to do with serving on this board. They’re two separate issues.

Just because God prohibits women from leading the church in some ways doesn’t mean He prohibits women from serving the church in every way. We have to be sure we’re not placing restrictions on women that go beyond Scripture. That’s legalism, and that’s a sin.

Just because God prohibits women from leading the church in some ways doesn’t mean He prohibits women from serving the church in every way.

When you get a new pastor, he’s going to be the pastor of the men and the women of your church. There’s nothing wrong with some of the church’s women offering input on the various candidates. There are often things women pick up on about people (such as the pastoral candidate, his wife, or his children) that men don’t pick up on, because God created women to be generally more intuitive about people, body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, and so on. Women’s input is valuable in a situation like this.

Also, the women on this board are not very active in our church.

This is problematic. (Or it could be, depending on what you mean by “not very active”.) The picture I get from the phrase “not very active” is a person who misses church a lot (without a good, biblical reason) and isn’t plugged in and serving. If that’s the case, these women shouldn’t be serving in any capacity, let alone a position of responsibility like this board, because they aren’t faithful and committed to the church. The same goes for any men on the board who “aren’t very active”. You don’t get to be “faithful in much” until you’re first “faithful in little,” because if you’re “unrighteous in little,” you’re going to be “unrighteous in much”. (Luke 16:10)

I don’t feel like we can approach this as we would be basically run off from this church, since we’ve seen it done to one of our friends who went and spoke to our previous pastor about plagiarism. How do you think I should approach this situation?

I’m not privy to the details about your friend approaching the previous pastor about plagiarism. Perhaps he was committing the sin of plagiarism, and your friend went to him humbly, lovingly, in obedience to Matthew 18:15-20 and expressed her concerns firmly but kindly, and the pastor was evil and kicked her out of the church when she did nothing wrong. Maybe that’s why that pastor isn’t there any more.

On the other hand, maybe your friend didn’t handle the situation biblically. Maybe she falsely accused the pastor, and sinfully left in a huff when properly confronted with her own sin.

I’m not saying either of those things definitely happened, I’m saying I have no way of knowing exactly what happened. But this isn’t about your friend. This is about you.

The first thing you need to do is to speak to your husband about the situation – because while Ephesians 5:22-33 doesn’t apply to the women whose husbands are OK with them serving on the advisory board, it does apply to whether or not your husband (if you’re married) is OK with you “approaching this situation” with anyone. If he’s a Believer and a member of the church, it might be best for him to handle things.

If he’s not OK with you approaching someone about this situation, don’t. Respect and submit to his decision, or you will be the one in violation of the Ephesians passage you cited.

If your husband is OK with you speaking to someone about the board, I would suggest setting up an appointment with the head deacon, maybe inviting him over for coffee with you and your husband or something like that, and – calmly, kindly, and rationally – express to him only your concerns about people who are not faithful members of the church serving on the committee. Because, as you’ve explained things to me, that is really the only biblical issue here.

Unless you have clear, concrete, irrefutable evidence that one or more of the women on this board are behaving in an obviously and verifiably sinful way, there’s nothing else to “approach”. These women have been asked to help find a new pastor and offer input according to Scripture, and there’s nothing unbiblical about that.

Because Scripture doesn’t prohibit women from doing the tasks required of pastor search committee members, this is an issue of Christian liberty. If you, as a woman, would feel uncomfortable serving on a pastor search committee, then by all means, don’t sin against your conscience and agree to serve. If you’re married and your husband doesn’t want you to serve on a pastor search committee, you should respect and submit to his decision and not serve. If a church wishes to make a policy that only men may serve on a pastor search committee, they are well within biblical parameters to do so.

That being said, the role of women on a committee that makes decisions impacting the church’s direction, policies, ecclesiology, etc., is that of helping and offering input. It would not be biblical for decision-making power in these matters to rest solely or primarily in the hands of women.

You might think of it like a marriage. In a healthy, godly marriage, husbands and wives work together. They discuss how to handle various issues, the wife offers suggestions and input, and she handles tasks that are within her jurisdiction. The wise husband listens to the wise counsel of his wife and uses it to make the most well-informed and godly decisions he can.

That’s how women should function on a church committee.

In order to facilitate that dynamic, here are some parameters for structuring a standing church committee that I believe would be wise (this is my opinion born of knowledge of Scripture and decades of church experience, not law; there could also be exceptions depending on the purpose of the committee):

  • Committees should be chaired by men
  • Committees should be comprised of less than 50% women.
  • Unless they have some sort of needed expertise uniquely related to the purpose of the committee, women should not serve on committees which oversee ministries, activities, or events comprised only of men (e.g. the men’s ministry, security team, the men who fix widows’ cars, do repair work for them, etc.)

With a little wisdom, women can biblically serve on church committees, conscience and church policy permitting.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Speaking Engagements

Upcoming Events: Ladies, You’re Invited!

Michelle Lesley

Looking for a super, doctrinally sound women’s event to attend? Let me tell you about some I’ve got coming up!

Nothing in your area? I go where I’m invited! There’s still plenty of time (and plenty of space available on my calendar) to plan an event for summer or fall 2026 and to begin thinking about plans for 2027! Find out how your church or organization can set up an event at my Speaking Engagements page. I’ve even got lots of tips, tricks, and helpful hints for you on everything from budgeting to promoting your event!

Florida

There’s still time to get in on this one if you hurry! This will be my first conference in Florida, and I’m hoping all of you lovely ladies across the Gulf will be able to join Amy Spreeman and me NEXT WEEKEND, April 17-18, for the Rooted In Truth women’s conference at Crossroads Baptist Church in Fort Myers, Florida. Women from the surrounding area are invited to attend, but you must register. Scan the (top) QR code on the flier above to register. (If, for some reason, you don’t have the technology to scan the code, ask a friend who does to help you out!)

Wisconsin

Hey, all you northerly ladies, I’m coming your way October 16-17 for a women’s conference with Amy Spreeman at Bethel Baptist Church in Green Bay, Wisconsin. This event is open to women in the surrounding areas, but registration is required. We’re still working on the details for this one, so save the date and keep an eye on my Speaking Engagements page, where I’ll post all the info as soon as I’ve got it.

Canada

Even further into the frozen tundra… I’m so excited to be speaking at my first event in Canada! Ladies, bundle up and come join me November 6-7 at The Beauty of Holiness women’s conference at Westminster Chapel, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. This event is open to women in the surrounding areas, but registration is required. Get all the details and find out how to register at the conference website.

We are working on adding more events to my calendar, and we’d love to add yours! Click on over to my Speaking Engagements page for all the info. And if you’d like for both Amy Spreeman and me to speak, click here!

Never planned an event, and you’re a little nervous about all the details? No need to reinvent the wheel! Grab some great ideas from previous events I’ve spoken at. And check out my article Women’s Events on a Shoestring Budget and Other Practical Tips for all the “how to’s”!

To keep an eye out for an event near you,
or to schedule me for your own event, check out my
calendar of events and booking information on my
Speaking Engagements page.

Hope to see you soon!