Parenting

The 10 Commandments of Parenting- 1

Michelle Lesley

Originally published April 25, 2008

The Ten Commandments of Parenting was first published 18 years ago, a few months after I began blogging. At the time, the oldest of my six children was 21 and the youngest was 5. Now that five year old is 23 and married. Wow.

It is my pleasure to share with you, over the next several weeks, all ten of The Ten Commandments of Parenting.

1.
Thou shalt be a Believer.

“They said, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved,
you and your household.'”
Acts 16:31

I can’t imagine undertaking a task as huge as parenting without some divine intervention. It’s a tough job! Most things in life are simpler when you’re a Christian. Not necessarily easier, but usually less complex. Take parenting, for example. If you’re a Christian, parenting by God’s Word, you have a plan of action all laid out for you. You don’t have to re-invent the wheel. What should I teach my kid about religion? What do I tell him about pre-marital sex? How do I reassure him about death? It’s all in the Book. If your parenting doesn’t begin and end with the Bible, it can be a much more confusing, fly by the seat of your pants operation.

When you’re a Christian parent, you have the benefit of all the resources in God’s storehouse. You’ve got a God who, at the end of a rough day, says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28); a God who promises that wisdom is yours for the asking (James 1:5); a God whose name is “the Lord will provide” (Genesis 22:14); a God whose eyes “…move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” (2 Chronicles 16:9).

Finally, when you’re a Christian parent pursuing holiness in your own life, God is working on you to make you more like Him: more loving, more joyful, more peaceful, more patient, kinder, better, more faithful, gentler, and more self-controlled. (Ephesians 5:22-23) God is sanctifying you, making you more Christlike, and enabling you to pour the gospel into your children day by day, so that they might come to know Christ as savior. As a parent, there’s nothing more important.

If you don’t know Christ as your Savior, I hope you’ll carefully and prayerfully consider the Scriptures and materials at the What must I do to be saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

Discernment, False Teachers

Kathryn Krick

Michelle Lesley

If you are considering commenting or sending me an e-mail objecting to the fact that I warn against certain teachers, please click here and read this article first. Your objection is most likely answered here. I won’t be publishing comments or answering emails that are answered by this article.

This article is kept continuously updated as needed.

This article is what I call a “clearinghouse article”. It is a collection of articles written by others on the teacher, ministry, or unbiblical trend named below. Either I have not had the time to write a full blown article on it myself, or I felt that the articles listed did a fine job of explaining the biblical issues and there was no need to reinvent the wheel.

Disclaimer: I did not write the articles below, and I am not thoroughly familiar with all of the websites used in my clearinghouse articles. I do not endorse anything on these sites that deviates from Scripture or conflicts with my beliefs as outlined in the “Welcome” or “Statement of Faith” tabs in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

Here are the  biblical criteria I use when deciding whether or not to recommend a teacher, ministry, etc.:

Generally speaking, in order for me to recommend a teacher, speaker, or author, he or she has to meet three criteria:

a) A female teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly preach to or teach men in violation of 1 Timothy 2:12. A male teacher or pastor cannot allow women to carry out this violation of Scripture in his ministry. The pastor or teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly be living in any other sin (for example, cohabiting with her boyfriend or living as a homosexual).

b) The pastor or teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly be partnering with or frequently appearing with false teachers. This is a violation of Scripture.

c) The pastor or teacher cannot currently and unrepentantly be teaching false doctrine.

I recommend against any teacher or ministry who violates one or more of these biblical tenets.

I am not very familiar with most of the teachers I’m asked about (there are so many out there!) and have not had the opportunity to examine their writings or hear them speak, so most of the “quick checking” I do involves items a and b (although in order to partner with false teachers (b) it is reasonable to assume their doctrine is acceptable to the false teacher and that they are not teaching anything that would conflict with the false teacher’s doctrine). Partnering with false teachers and women preaching to men are each sufficient biblical reasons not to follow a pastor, teacher, or author, or use his/her materials.

Just to be clear, “not recommended” is a spectrum. On one end of this spectrum are people like Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth and Kay Arthur. These are people I would not label as false teachers because their doctrine is generally sound, but because of some red flags I’m seeing with them, you won’t find me proactively endorsing them or suggesting them as a good resource, either. There are better people you could be listening to. On the other end of the spectrum are people like Joyce Meyer and Rachel Held Evans- complete heretics whose teachings, if believed, might lead you to an eternity in Hell. Most of the teachers I review fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum (leaning toward the latter).

If you’d like to check out some pastors and teachers I heartily recommend, click the Recommended Bible Teachers tab at the top of this page.

Kathryn Krick
Not Recommended

Photo credit: Apostle Kathryn Krick Facebook

Primary issues with Kathryn Krick: New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) heretic, claims to be an Apostle, deliverance ministry / faith healing, yokes with other NAR heretics, preaches to men, teaches false doctrine.

Articles/Episodes/Videos

Most of these links contain multiple articles, episodes, or videos. They are listed in alphabetical order by content creator. The ones I would recommend starting with first are marked by an asterisk (*).

Kathryn Krick at Doreen Virtue

Kathryn Krick at Fighting for the Faith (Chris Rosebrough)*

Kathryn Krick at Justin Peters Ministries*

Kathryn Krick at The Lovesick Scribe (Dawn Hill)*

Kathryn Krick at Messed Up Church (Steve Kozar)

Kathryn Krick at Protestia*

Kathryn Krick at Servants of Grace (Dave Jenkins)

Kathryn Krick at When We Understand the Text (Gabriel Hughes)

Kathryn Krick at Wretched (Todd Friel)

Complementarianism, Mailbag

The Mailbag: What if men “just show up” at women’s events?

Michelle Lesley

Hello! I believe as you do, about women “Pastors” and not usurping authority or teaching over men. Some women, such as Priscilla Schirer (sic) just as an example, who speak to thousands are considered as unscriptural because men are often present. Now I do know some encourage male attendance but what if they don’t but men show up? That’s not really in their control, right? What would you do if men attended an event you’re speaking at? I mean this sincerely, just wondering how this could be handled. Thank you!

This is a great question I’ve received a number of times, so when I was recently asked again by this reader, I thought I’d just drop my answer right into the ol’ Mailbag!

There’s a foundational understanding I need to lay before answering. There are three types of women with public speaking/teaching ministries:

  • Those who know what Scripture says about women preaching and teaching the Bible to men and strive to obey it.
  • Those who know what Scripture says about women preaching and teaching the Bible to men, but don’t care and choose to disobey it.
  • Those who don’t know what Scripture says about women preaching and teaching the Bible to men.

You’ll find women like Susan Heck, Martha Peace, Doreen Virtue, Amy Spreeman, and me in the first category.

You’ll find about 97% of today’s most popular women’s speakers/teachers, like Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, Lysa TerKeurst, Christine Caine, Jen Wilkin and so on, in the second category.

Women in the third category don’t know Scripture well enough to be teaching anyone, so you shouldn’t follow them for that reason regardless of whether they teach men or only women.

When confronted about their sinful practice of teaching men, those “second category” women often cry, “We can’t help it if men just show up!” as though they’re helpless victims of men choosing to attend their women’s conferences and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Hogwash, baloney, and poppycock.

Those women are not helpless victims who have unwittingly had men foisted upon them. They’re rebels against Scripture who are perfectly fine with preaching to men. In fact, Priscilla Shirer and most of the other aforementioned examples of “second category” women, have preached the Sunday sermon in a church multiple times. Don’t tell me they didn’t know men would be present in the Sunday morning worship service!

So when they try to present this “helpless victim of men showing up, otherwise I would have obeyed Scripture” scenario, they are lying to you. They are totally fine with preaching to men, and they will blasphemously twist Scripture to try to make you fine with it, too.

So, understanding that foundation from the get go should help us reframe the way we think about this scenario of men showing up at a women’s event.

How do “first category” women handle this situation? Well, being one, I’ll be happy to explain.

First, before you ever embark on a teaching ministry, you study the Scriptures, come to a biblical understanding of the role of Christian women, and you make a Holy Spirit empowered decision of the will that you’re going to obey Christ regardless of the cost. That’s just what we do – about everything – as Christians. It is the essence of the Christian life.

Next, you make it abundantly clear in all aspects of your ministry that you hold the biblical position of the role of women and that you, emphatically do. not. teach. men. I kinda feel like anybody who’s been following me for more than five minutes knows that about me.

Next, when you create your event speaking information and materials, you again make it explicitly clear that you only teach women. The very first sentence on my Speaking Engagements page says:

“I am available to speak on Biblical topics at women’s conferences, workshops, retreats, breakout sessions, and other women’s events.”

If that’s not clear enough, my event planner FAQs document, which discusses the issue further, is also linked on that page, and my speaking engagement request form requires that the pastor of the church hosting the event be familiar with my theology, especially on hot button issues like the biblical role of women.

When I receive a speaking engagement request, I check out the requesting church. If it’s a church that has female “pastors” or allows women to preach or teach men, my husband (my events coordinator) will specifically address that with the church’s event planner during the booking process.

In ten years of event speaking, that has happened once, and I did not speak at that church’s event. (They weren’t asking me to teach men at their event, but I’m not going to give the appearance of tacitly endorsing a church that allows women to pastor, preach, or teach men by accepting their invitation to speak.)

I have bent over backwards to make it perfectly clear that I only teach women. The “second category” women don’t. In fact, they make it perfectly clear that they’re fine with teaching men by accepting speaking engagements where they already know men will be in attendance, such as preaching the Sunday sermon, or contracting with Lifeway Women, which welcomes men at their women’s events.

If a speaker makes it clear that she only teaches women, event planners don’t usually ask her to speak at co-ed events. If a planner for a co-ed event somehow manages to miss the speaker’s clearly stated information, it’s the responsibility of the speaker to find out about the event and turn down those that invite men to attend. An invitation to speak at an event is not a subpoena. The speaker is absolutely free to turn it down. And if the event is unbiblical (such as a co-ed event for a female speaker), she has a biblical responsibility to turn it down.

When potential event attendees are familiar with the speaker and her position on the role of women, and the event is advertised as a women’s event, men generally get the picture that they’re not welcome or wanted and they don’t show up.

And these days, I request security at my events. It’s security’s job to intercept anyone -whether that’s an armed attacker, a protester, or a man who wants to attend – who shouldn’t be there and could endanger the women attending or disrupt the event.

That being said, this scenario of men just showing up to attend a women’s event actually happened to me. Once. In ten years of event speaking.

I was asked to teach a couple of breakout sessions for women at a doctrinally sound co-ed conference. The host organization and I were in complete agreement that only women would attend my sessions, and that was indicated in all of the publicity materials.

About five minutes after I started teaching my first session, a couple of young men wandered in and took seats near the back. I continued my opening remarks for a minute or two, hoping they’d look around, get a clue, and leave.

When they didn’t, and it had become obvious that they were there as attendees seeking to be taught (not looking for their wives, running the sound board, or some other legitimate reason), I stopped teaching, and as gently and kindly as I possibly could (because I didn’t want to embarrass them or make things more awkward than they already were), I said something along the lines of,

“Hi guys. I’m so honored that you’d like to hear me teach, but I don’t teach men, and this session is for women only. You might enjoy attending Brother So & So’s session. It’s right down the hall.”.

And they immediately and apologetically – with no hint of offense – stood up and and left, and I continued teaching the women. No big whoop. They just didn’t know any better, but I was able to teach them without teaching them!😀

(I did, however, as soon as that first session was over, track down the host of the conference and asked him to announce in the next plenary session that my remaining breakout sessions were for women only!)

I wasn’t a victim. There was a kind, loving, and biblical way to handle the situation, and I handled it. Those “second category” women? They don’t, because they don’t see men in their audiences as any sort of an issue.

The bottom line in this situation is that if you want to obey Christ in your ministry, you’ll make that your top priority and He’ll give you the grace to do so. If you don’t want to obey Christ in your ministry, you won’t. Those “second category” women don’t want to obey Christ, or they would.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Poetry, Sanctification

How a Little Acorn Helped Reassure a Nut Like Me

Michelle Lesley

Originally published September 27, 2016

acorn-1030819_1280

There are two kinds of people in this world, throwers and savers (or hoarders, if your saving has breached the clinical level). I’m a thrower married to a saver, which means I have thrown out some stuff I later wished I’d kept, and my husband has saved a lot of stuff we haven’t used in ages and probably never will. But, recently, I came across something I’m really glad I kept all these years.

I was going through a box of old papers, happily doing my “thrower” thing, when I discovered a manilla folder marked, in my handwriting, “Michelle’s Misc. Creative Writing.” Whatever it was, I didn’t remember saving the folder, nor what it might contain. I opened it up to find a two inch thick sheaf of, well…my miscellaneous writings from years gone by. Sermon notes, creative writing assignments and essays for English classes, poems, song lyrics, short stories, even what looked like the manuscript to a devotional I’d started on.

Fortunately, I had dated most of the papers, so I could see that the bulk of them were written when I was between the ages of about 14 to 21. As I leafed through pages of adolescent script alternating with dot matrix printing, I started noticing a common thread. Nearly all of this writing was about God, faith, the Bible, worship, wanting to know Him more. To be sure, the faith was childlike (if not downright childish), and the theology was often immature and somewhat unbiblical.

But it was there. And all these years I’d wondered whether or not that faith had existed back then at all.

You see, I was raised in church, and, although I was most definitely a depraved little wretch, my outward behavior was fairly decent compared with some of the other kids my age. I got good grades, never had behavior problems in school, was at church every time the doors were open, never tried sex, drugs, cigarettes, crime, or anything else teens sometimes get into. Overall, I was your basic goodie two shoes. So, when I prayed a prayer for salvation at age 12, there was no great big radical lightning bolt change in my life. Things continued pretty much as usual. Had my heart changed? Looking back all those years later as an adult with terrible recollective abilities, I couldn’t really remember.

As I skimmed through page after page of longing for God, love for God, wanting to please God, something hit me like a ton of bricks: Lost people don’t have that kind of “want to”.

But as I skimmed through page after page of longing for God, love for God, wanting to please God, something I told a reader not long ago -who was concerned she might not be saved – hit me like a ton of bricks:

Lost people don’t have that kind of “want to.”

I didn’t have all my doctrine straight or walk in Christian maturity, and I wouldn’t have known an apologist from an apostate, but I wanted God. I loved Him as best I knew how at the time. I had that “want to.” I was saved. God had used a dusty box of old papers to reassure me and put those doubts to rest. It was one of those precious moments alone with the Lord that you never forget.

I didn’t have all my doctrine straight or walk in Christian maturity, and I wouldn’t have known an apologist from an apostate, but *I wanted God*.

So to sort of celebrate that little moment in my walk with the Lord, I wanted to share with you one of the poems I found in that folder. It was undated, but I think I wrote it when I was in high school or college. Now, I’m just going to warn you up front, it’s long and it’s lame and it’s (a)corny, and some of the cadence is off and so is the doctrine, and it just plain needs a lot of editing. But I had a good laugh over it, and I thought you might, too. (Hint- it’s funnier if you read it out loud.)

I Am a Little Acorn

I am a little acorn,
A fact that’s plain to see,
But remember that the might oak
Was once a nut like me.

When I was a baby bud,
I burst forth from a limb,
I grew a little every day,
Out from my little stem.

As I grew older day by day,
An identity crisis hit me.
I searched my heart and searched my soul
To find out just what I should be.

I did not want to be a nut.
I cried, “I cant! I won’t!”
Because sometimes you feel like a nut,
Sometimes you don’t.

I tried to be a button,
And a rolling tumbleweed.
I tried to be a jelly bean,
But still did not succeed.

Oprah, Geraldo, Sally, and Phil*
All let me spill my guts.
“Something other than an acorn?” they asked,
“You can’t! You must be nuts!”

My fame and fortune quickly spread,
I was known both far and wide.
But no one knew my secret dark,
I was lost and scared inside.

Then finally, one day, I turned to the Lord,
And cried out with all my might,
“Why, oh why, do I continue to fail?
Why won’t something go right?”

“Remember to whom you are speaking,” said He,
“I am the Great I Am,
But I’m also the root of David,
And the seed of Abraham.”

“From small beginnings come great things,
This fact is tried and true,
The mighty oak could never be,
Without an acorn like you.”

“All are given different gifts,
And must do as best they can,
To find a way to channel them
According to God’s plan.”

“So cheer up little acorn,
And learn the secret known by few:
Be content with what you’re given,
And let God work through you.”

“I’ll be the best acorn ever!” said he.
“I’ll do as God has led.”
Then standing bold, and brave, and tall,
The acorn proudly said:

“I am a little acorn,
A fact that’s plain to see,
But remember that the mighty oak
Was once a nut like me.”

(*You’ve probably heard of Oprah. Geraldo Rivera, Sally Jessie Raphael, and Phil Donohue all used to host talk shows, too.)

Don’t despair if you’re still a little acorn in your faith. You keep pursuing that “want to” for God, and He’ll grow you into a mighty oak in Christ.

How do I know? Because He’s doing just that for a nut like me. 🌰

Don’t despair if you’re still a little acorn in your faith. You keep pursuing that “want to” for God, and He’ll grow you into a mighty oak in Christ.

Additional Resources:

Am I Really Saved? A First John Check-Up

Parenting

12 Techniques for Raising Bible-Saturated Kids

Michelle Lesley

Originally Published April 15, 2015

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Phew. That’s a pretty tall order, isn’t it? God may have said this through Moses to Old Testament Israel, but His words are just as relevant for 21st century Christian parents. God wants our children immersed in His Word as they go about their daily lives. Ephesians 6:4 reminds fathers that they are to bring their children up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” and as moms, we have the joy of supporting our husbands in that venture by bringing Scripture and prayer to bear on all those little daily “walk by the way” moments. But how? Here are some practical ways I’ve discovered for capturing those teachable moments and pouring God’s Word into them.

Capture those teachable moments with your kids and pour God’s Word into them!

1.
Set an example.

Be faithful to your own Bible study and prayer time. Let your children “catch you in the act” from time to time. Share with them what you’re learning from God’s Word, things you’re praying about, things you’ve asked God to forgive you for, etc.

2.
Train your children to have their own
daily Bible study time.

You might be surprised at how early you can start developing this godly habit in your child. With an infant, you might simply take a few minutes of her morning feeding to read aloud from your Bible and pray. With a toddler, you can regularly set aside five or ten minutes (when she’s not tired or hungry) for her to sit down and look at pictures in a children’s Bible, maybe while you’re sitting nearby with your own Bible, modeling for her. As children get a little older and can read, you can set aside a block of time before their bedtime for individual Bible study and prayer. When they’re very small, children aren’t going to understand much from the Bible (although they will surprise you sometimes!), but they will still be absorbing some valuable things: the Bible is an important book, God is the top priority in my family, and God and His Word should be preeminent in my life.

3.
Establish a regular time of family worship at home.

If your husband is a believer, be careful not to usurp his leadership in this area. It is ultimately His responsibility to lead his family in worship. Help each other think of ways to make your family worship time age appropriate for the children, and support your husband as he teaches God’s Word. Also, understand that with children comes chaos. (My four children who are still at home range in age from 11 to 19, and I still have to remind them to quiet down and stay on track during family worship.) It’s going to happen. Just tuck and roll and don’t give up.

4.
Sing.

Who cares if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket? God doesn’t, that’s for sure. Sing some hymns while you’re washing the dishes. Sing along with some worship music (doctrinally sound, of course) in the car. Music is a great way to get God’s truths into your child’s heart and mind.

Music is a great way to get God’s truths into your child’s heart and mind.

5.
Conversation Prayer

During our family worship time, we used to go around and share prayer requests, then one or two people would pray. We found that the children were either forgetting the prayer requests or we would have to spend time writing them down. So now we often do what we have dubbed “conversation prayer”. One parent will say a brief opening prayer, and then the “floor is open” for anyone to say a (or several) one or two sentence prayer about whatever is on his heart (“Please help me do well on my math test tomorrow,” or “Lord, please save Grandmamma.”). When it seems like everyone is finished, the other parent says a closing prayer.

6.
What is God up to?

Sometimes it’s hard for children (and even adults) to recognize and remember the ways God is answering prayers and working in their lives. When our children were smaller, I put up a piece of posterboard on the wall of the breakfast room with the title “What is God up to?” at the top. Whenever God answered something we had been praying about, provided for us, moved in our lives in some way, or blessed us, we made a little note about it, along with the date. It had big things – like my daughter getting saved – as well as little things – like my son finally learning to tie his shoes. It helped my children to recognize God’s sovereignty over all areas of our lives, that He does answer prayer, and that He gets the glory for everything.

Help your children recognize God’s sovereignty over all areas of our lives, that He does answer prayer, and that He gets the glory for everything.

7.
Let’s pray about this.

Your children are going to struggle with things. They’re going to have times of rejoicing and times of sorrow. There will be times when they have disobeyed and need to repent of their sin. What better opportunities to teach them to take everything to God in prayer? Teach them how to ask God for help when something is too hard. Teach them to thank God for blessing them and ask Him to comfort them when they’re sad. Show them how to ask God for forgiveness when they’ve done wrong.

8.
Sprinkle life with Scripture.

(In order to do this, you’re going to have to know Scripture, so be sure to be faithful to your own study of God’s Word.) When you see a beautiful sunset, talk about how God created the sun and moon. When your child is kind to someone, praise him and tell him God wants us to be kind to others. When you discipline him, show him his sin from Scripture, and talk about repentance and God’s forgiveness.

9.
Memorize Scripture together.

There is a wonderfully wide variety of Scripture memory resources out there. My children were all involved in a Scripture memory program at church when they were small, and we worked on their memory verses together at home. Our home schooling curriculum, at the kindergarten level, had a 26 verse Scripture memory program in which we memorized a verse beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Seeds Kids Worship is a fantastic program with word for word Scripture songs and other great resources. There are even apps that can help. And you can always make up your own fun programs, songs, and contests to help the whole family memorize God’s Word.

10.
Ask questions.

“Would God be pleased with the way you’re acting? How do you know?” “What does the Bible say about the way we should treat each other?” “What does the Bible say about _____?” Questions like these get your children thinking. They take your children from simply reading and hearing God’s Word to applying Scripture to their lives and recognizing that they must submit to it.

Take your children from simply reading and hearing God’s Word to applying Scripture to their lives and recognizing that they must submit to it.

11.
The Gratitude Game

Forget the tablets and the radio. This is a great way to harness that down time in the car (or anywhere else) and use it to teach your kids about prayer and thankfulness. It’s kind of like playing “I Spy.” Just look out the window and take turns thanking God for what you see: “Thank You, God, for making birds.” “Thank You for ice cream.” “Thank You for police officers who help us.” Or pray for people as you pass by various buildings. “God, please help the sick people in that hospital…help the pastor of that church do a good job of preaching Your Word…provide homes for the people in that shelter…” We also made it a habit to pray for victims of accidents or tragedies whenever we saw an ambulance or fire truck.

12.
Kiddievangelism

Our kids need to see us sharing the gospel with people as a normal part of everyday life, and we need to explain to them why it’s so important. There’s an easy way to get your kids personally involved, too, especially when they’re small: tracts. Get some doctrinally sound tracts (my favorites are from Bezeugen) and let your child leave one in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, on the table when you leave McDonald’s, or hand one to the cashier at the store. I’ve had people turn me down when I offer them a tract, but who’s going to refuse an adorable three year old? Get them started on a lifelong habit of sharing the gospel wherever they go.

Get your children started on a lifelong habit of sharing the gospel wherever they go.

 

As Christian parents it’s our responsibility before God to train our children in the Scriptures, prayer, and godliness. If we slow down and ask God to direct us, He will show us all kinds of ways we can teach them diligently to our children, when we sit in our houses, and when we walk by the way, and when we lie down, and when we rise.

What are some fun or unique ways you’ve found
to pour God’s Word into your children’s everyday lives?